Friday, August 31, 2012

Bohemian: The Man with a Million Names (OK, not really, but he does have several)

There is an individual who frequently comes into the video store in the morning as soon as the gate is up.  He rushes back to the "Adult" section and digs and digs to find something that he doesn't have yet.  Once I overheard him taking a call from his mother in our store; he told her over and over again that he was at the grocery store and would be back soon.  This man is probably in his upper 50's if not older.  I didn't know what his name actually was because he always uses cash (lots of time paying all with dollar coins).  I just started referring to him as "Porn Man" one day and everyone else who worked there instantly knew to whom I was referring.  ObiWan, one of the other managers, also has a habit of naming people, too.  He revealed to me one day that he had previously called this man "Ollie Muttonchops" due to his haircut.  Pickle, my fiance, is also responsible for naming many a local celebrity.  Once when he was driving me to work, we passed Porn Man/Ollie Muttonchops walking to the mall (presumably for his daily porn fix), and Pickle told me that his name was "Lancelot", once again referring to his Beatles-esque haircut (Pickle thinks it looks like a Medieval squire's do).

After I had ceased working there so much, I went to visit ObiWan.  He'd renamed Porn Man/Ollie/Lancelot once more.  Apparently, the man had quit using deodorant and/or bathing.  After walking from wherever it is that he lives with his parents (I suspect a house of porn cemented with spent semen)  to the mall, he smells rather.... awful.  Just plain awful.  Henceforth, his current name is Roadkill.


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